Who am I and where did I come from? What is my purpose? These are questions I often ask myself. Why am I on earth at this time, during this generation, with all of these struggles and temptations? Why did the Lord want me to be here? Of course from a gospel perspective I totally understand and except, but as a human being it is only natural to doubt what we know as true,especially when times get rough. It is quite contradictory that I do this, but seems so easily committed.
From a religious stand point, I am aware of my purpose here on earth and why I was sent here, but the fight with my conscious makes me doubt those purposes, mostly because I loose faith and have lack of confidence in my self worth. As I reflect on my past and all of the things I have accomplished and than compare it to my life now I often get discouraged as to what my purpose is. I set the bar pretty high at a young age and now feel like I have to top all of that, which I am realizing is quite difficult.
Coming to terms with the fact that I am in idle mode has been depressing, I took time off of school and have been barely working at Delta. It's has been a ride of emotions all at once. I think I lost sight of my purpose while worrying so much about what I wasn't doing, I failed to recognize the things I was doing. I get so involved in comparing my life to my own and even others,that I don't give myself any credit. I didn't let someone put my gears into idle mode, I put it there and choose to stay there, again swimming in my sorrows.
I can't do anything or be anyone until I gain full sight of my purpose, which means I have to let go of the competition I have with myself. I am never going to be Miss South Pacific again but that doesnt mean I stop aspiring to be something great. I know I can't do this on my own and am striving to stay focused on the important things.
Again...stay tuned.
Come what may and love it....
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