Venting machine....

I think my blogs will be my venting machine, cause I always seem to feel a lot better when I write my feelings down. I am a slacker when it comes to writing in a journal, and have about 10 old ones that I started and have yet to keep up with.

UGHHHHHHH is what I am feeling right now. I swear I deal with one problem and another one always seem to arise. I wish I could just live in a turtle shell, go un-noticed or seen for a long time....and when I feel like the time is right again to come out of the shell. I hate feeling like this, but I have always been the type to take too much pressure, emotion and stress on. I have gotten a lot better, but I still struggle with it. Its like when I know someone doesn't like me or has said something untrue or bad...I STRESS out...its so weird! lol! Its not totally insecurities...and its usually only when people I know and care about do I stress out like this.

Anyways, somethings went down before I left...and its really annoying that things have been assumed and totally taken the wrong way. I have been doing me, and I am really trying to move on and progress in life, of course I am not PERFECT (I really wish I was..LOL) but I feel like sometimes when I take a few steps forward, things or people try to pull me back. Its been a long, hard and treacherous road...I am still climbing, struggling and learning. It seems like because I am not perfect I am being held accountable for things that are not even my fault or doing because someone else wont step up to the plate. I have learned to keep my mouth shut when it comes to certain things, cause I don't like to make drama worse, but it seems like when I do this..I AM THE BAD GUY...I am not the type to put peoples shizz on blast, but when I start to feel like this, I think to myself...dang if this person only knew the TRUTH, they probably wouldn't be saying stuff, but for the most part I just keep it to myself or share it with the one person I can trust...I feel like words can't explain what I am trying to say...

I aint seeking pity, nor am I trying to manipulate the mind or anyone...I know what I do and just because people assume shizz, doesn't mean I feel guilty, it just hurts that its people who I have sacrificed a lot for, people I have gone out of my way for, who I trusted and loved. I guess its the "UNCOOL" thing to befriend me anymore, which is cool I don't force anyone to be my friend, but don't kick me to the curb because you "think" you know whats going on, cause trust if I put everyones business out there, no one would be saying anything.

However, I am going to carry on doing me...this was just a rain shower on my parade, this show is gonna keeping going... drenched and wet...I gonna keep doing what I am doing with a SMILE! I know turtle shell action isn't gonna make my life any better, even though thats how I feel right now, I am gonna try and keep pushing forward! I am gonna take this bump in the road as another reminder of how much harder I need to work to progress and grow. I can't let it get me down.....

COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!