No not my wedding bells, those are kind of rusted and probably wont be ringing for a long time....ahhahaaha! But I am in Tonga for Filinga's wedding.
So, I came to here with one days notice...I found out Monday morning that I was going to leave to Tonga the next day out of LA...exciting right? Well, not when your in Hawaii and all your crap is in Utah and you need to be in LA by 1130 the next night. That day was so hectic, Pua and I ran all over the place doing little errands here and there, we needed to make it to the airport to pick up family, than to Laie before the pharmacy closed, for me to get my stuff, drop off family and baby Inoke at home all before 7 oclock, because we needed to head back to town for me to make my flight at 8. Well, of course all of that didnt happen, I got to the airport at 730 and they wouldn't let me check in cause they closed the flight...so annoyingly I had to fly to Seattle and than Salt Lake, which totally cut my day in half.
I had a million things I needed to do in Utah before catching a flight to LA, and of course like a chicken with my head cut off, I ran all over the place, dropping off stuff, packing and getting things ready. Thank goodness I had Faifua to help me out...which I still owe her big time...but gladly I made it to LA at 930. Pua and her brothers were already there in LA, they made it just in time to check in. Of course we were WAAAAAY over weight..and barely made it to the gate in time to get on the plane. I slept pretty much the whole way to Fiji...its was nice!
Anyways, I will write more about Fiji and Tonga later....but just getting here was CRAZZZZZY! I can't believe in one day I flew from Hawaii to Seattle to SLC to LA and than Fiji! UGHH makes me tired just thinking about it! Never again! LOL
COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT!
Tessywessy
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Venting machine....
I think my blogs will be my venting machine, cause I always seem to feel a lot better when I write my feelings down. I am a slacker when it comes to writing in a journal, and have about 10 old ones that I started and have yet to keep up with.
UGHHHHHHH is what I am feeling right now. I swear I deal with one problem and another one always seem to arise. I wish I could just live in a turtle shell, go un-noticed or seen for a long time....and when I feel like the time is right again to come out of the shell. I hate feeling like this, but I have always been the type to take too much pressure, emotion and stress on. I have gotten a lot better, but I still struggle with it. Its like when I know someone doesn't like me or has said something untrue or bad...I STRESS out...its so weird! lol! Its not totally insecurities...and its usually only when people I know and care about do I stress out like this.
Anyways, somethings went down before I left...and its really annoying that things have been assumed and totally taken the wrong way. I have been doing me, and I am really trying to move on and progress in life, of course I am not PERFECT (I really wish I was..LOL) but I feel like sometimes when I take a few steps forward, things or people try to pull me back. Its been a long, hard and treacherous road...I am still climbing, struggling and learning. It seems like because I am not perfect I am being held accountable for things that are not even my fault or doing because someone else wont step up to the plate. I have learned to keep my mouth shut when it comes to certain things, cause I don't like to make drama worse, but it seems like when I do this..I AM THE BAD GUY...I am not the type to put peoples shizz on blast, but when I start to feel like this, I think to myself...dang if this person only knew the TRUTH, they probably wouldn't be saying stuff, but for the most part I just keep it to myself or share it with the one person I can trust...I feel like words can't explain what I am trying to say...
I aint seeking pity, nor am I trying to manipulate the mind or anyone...I know what I do and just because people assume shizz, doesn't mean I feel guilty, it just hurts that its people who I have sacrificed a lot for, people I have gone out of my way for, who I trusted and loved. I guess its the "UNCOOL" thing to befriend me anymore, which is cool I don't force anyone to be my friend, but don't kick me to the curb because you "think" you know whats going on, cause trust if I put everyones business out there, no one would be saying anything.
However, I am going to carry on doing me...this was just a rain shower on my parade, this show is gonna keeping going... drenched and wet...I gonna keep doing what I am doing with a SMILE! I know turtle shell action isn't gonna make my life any better, even though thats how I feel right now, I am gonna try and keep pushing forward! I am gonna take this bump in the road as another reminder of how much harder I need to work to progress and grow. I can't let it get me down.....
COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!
UGHHHHHHH is what I am feeling right now. I swear I deal with one problem and another one always seem to arise. I wish I could just live in a turtle shell, go un-noticed or seen for a long time....and when I feel like the time is right again to come out of the shell. I hate feeling like this, but I have always been the type to take too much pressure, emotion and stress on. I have gotten a lot better, but I still struggle with it. Its like when I know someone doesn't like me or has said something untrue or bad...I STRESS out...its so weird! lol! Its not totally insecurities...and its usually only when people I know and care about do I stress out like this.
Anyways, somethings went down before I left...and its really annoying that things have been assumed and totally taken the wrong way. I have been doing me, and I am really trying to move on and progress in life, of course I am not PERFECT (I really wish I was..LOL) but I feel like sometimes when I take a few steps forward, things or people try to pull me back. Its been a long, hard and treacherous road...I am still climbing, struggling and learning. It seems like because I am not perfect I am being held accountable for things that are not even my fault or doing because someone else wont step up to the plate. I have learned to keep my mouth shut when it comes to certain things, cause I don't like to make drama worse, but it seems like when I do this..I AM THE BAD GUY...I am not the type to put peoples shizz on blast, but when I start to feel like this, I think to myself...dang if this person only knew the TRUTH, they probably wouldn't be saying stuff, but for the most part I just keep it to myself or share it with the one person I can trust...I feel like words can't explain what I am trying to say...
I aint seeking pity, nor am I trying to manipulate the mind or anyone...I know what I do and just because people assume shizz, doesn't mean I feel guilty, it just hurts that its people who I have sacrificed a lot for, people I have gone out of my way for, who I trusted and loved. I guess its the "UNCOOL" thing to befriend me anymore, which is cool I don't force anyone to be my friend, but don't kick me to the curb because you "think" you know whats going on, cause trust if I put everyones business out there, no one would be saying anything.
However, I am going to carry on doing me...this was just a rain shower on my parade, this show is gonna keeping going... drenched and wet...I gonna keep doing what I am doing with a SMILE! I know turtle shell action isn't gonna make my life any better, even though thats how I feel right now, I am gonna try and keep pushing forward! I am gonna take this bump in the road as another reminder of how much harder I need to work to progress and grow. I can't let it get me down.....
COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!
Friday, June 10, 2011
a love note...
I kind of don't know how to react to the letter I just got...I am filled with so many different kinds of emotions and I can't really put my finger on it! I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!...but I also want to CRY...hmm this is mos def food for thought.
I ain't gonna rush to conclusion...but the power of words leaves an imprint on my heart...its ringing in my ears and burdening my thoughts...I am stronger this time around...but somehow it weakens my stance...speeds my heartbeat...and shortens my breath...I can do this...I can be STRONGER...its all in my hands!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Put up a front
So, I think its a little irritating when people try to put up a front...like act like they are one way when they really aren't. I mean I am so FAR from PERFECT...but I try live my life on the open and if its personal...keep it personal.....cause daanng some people totally put up a front and its a little bit annoying....just because they don't want to hear "I told you so."
Growing up your parents will always tell you don't do this and don't do that because this and that will happen, well of course its only natural to do what your told not to do, and when the outcome is exactly what your parents warned you against, you avoid them all in all because you don't want to hear the "I told you so." Well, I have noticed that certain people put up status updates about being super religious and super happy in their relationship, but than you see and know otherwise.... and its like hmmm why put up a front about it...when your not?...is this judgmental? I think it is a little, but also hard to discern from the status update to what the eye sees. I know what its like to be judged...but this habit bugs me! If I update my status its day to day, REAL LIFE motivation and inspirations....not things that will dictate a persons thoughts about me...It is what it is...is what I like to call it!
I think some people feel like everyone is working against them, so they have to work that much harder to make it seem like they are HAPPY or whatever, they don't want to fail like everyone knew they would so they put up a front. Its kind of sad because when you know the behind the scenes stuff, and you see them put up the front, its heart breaking that they can't be honest with themselves about their situations! Fake it to make...gets you no where...be honest with yourself, you either fake the happiness to prove people wrong, but than deal with years of heartache or you humble yourself and admit you were wrong and put an end to putting up a front...and your life will be SO MUCH BETTER!
I do UNDERSTAND its hard...but I think putting up a front makings things that much harder....this isn't a very positive blog...but for me its about letting it out..the purpose of my BLOGs...to let it all OUT! hahahaha.
COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT!
Growing up your parents will always tell you don't do this and don't do that because this and that will happen, well of course its only natural to do what your told not to do, and when the outcome is exactly what your parents warned you against, you avoid them all in all because you don't want to hear the "I told you so." Well, I have noticed that certain people put up status updates about being super religious and super happy in their relationship, but than you see and know otherwise.... and its like hmmm why put up a front about it...when your not?...is this judgmental? I think it is a little, but also hard to discern from the status update to what the eye sees. I know what its like to be judged...but this habit bugs me! If I update my status its day to day, REAL LIFE motivation and inspirations....not things that will dictate a persons thoughts about me...It is what it is...is what I like to call it!
I think some people feel like everyone is working against them, so they have to work that much harder to make it seem like they are HAPPY or whatever, they don't want to fail like everyone knew they would so they put up a front. Its kind of sad because when you know the behind the scenes stuff, and you see them put up the front, its heart breaking that they can't be honest with themselves about their situations! Fake it to make...gets you no where...be honest with yourself, you either fake the happiness to prove people wrong, but than deal with years of heartache or you humble yourself and admit you were wrong and put an end to putting up a front...and your life will be SO MUCH BETTER!
I do UNDERSTAND its hard...but I think putting up a front makings things that much harder....this isn't a very positive blog...but for me its about letting it out..the purpose of my BLOGs...to let it all OUT! hahahaha.
COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT!
New Job
So I love being Polynesian and its pretty evident in my lifestyle, hobbies and even habits:) I have met so many people through past experiences from CEOs, lawyers, business owners and many inspirational Polynesians. As I look back I am so amazed at the connections I have been able to make and keep through those experiences...one important contact happens to be my new "BOSS".
I am so excited for this job because it is doing exactly what I want to be doing...I realized I could never be an office type of girl, I can't handle sitting down for long periods of time, I need to be up and moving..hence my job at delta on the ramp...hahaha! Anywho, going back to why I love being Polynesian...and most importantly supporting other Polynesians. I have found a real passion in helping others, and with this job I am doing exactly this. Its kind of overwhelming because it could blow up into something HUGE...it already kind of is, but has potential of being even bigger! I wont spill too many beans cause its all still in the planning process, but I am locked in on a percentage and its pretty exciting to think that someday I won't have to WORK...hahaha JK I think I will always have to for my own personal sanity.
The purpose of the business is to take Polynesian products and do product placement and distribution! So, basically we are helping Polynesians specifically to achieve their dreams...and enhance their goal experiences. I love it! I love people who have DREAMS and work HARD to make it happen!
Its also exciting because I got me a BRAND NEW MAC BOOK PRO 15 inch! whoooohoo its so nice and even better it was FREE! I have a lot of work to do, and its nice cause its on my own time! I love it!
COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!
I am so excited for this job because it is doing exactly what I want to be doing...I realized I could never be an office type of girl, I can't handle sitting down for long periods of time, I need to be up and moving..hence my job at delta on the ramp...hahaha! Anywho, going back to why I love being Polynesian...and most importantly supporting other Polynesians. I have found a real passion in helping others, and with this job I am doing exactly this. Its kind of overwhelming because it could blow up into something HUGE...it already kind of is, but has potential of being even bigger! I wont spill too many beans cause its all still in the planning process, but I am locked in on a percentage and its pretty exciting to think that someday I won't have to WORK...hahaha JK I think I will always have to for my own personal sanity.
The purpose of the business is to take Polynesian products and do product placement and distribution! So, basically we are helping Polynesians specifically to achieve their dreams...and enhance their goal experiences. I love it! I love people who have DREAMS and work HARD to make it happen!
Its also exciting because I got me a BRAND NEW MAC BOOK PRO 15 inch! whoooohoo its so nice and even better it was FREE! I have a lot of work to do, and its nice cause its on my own time! I love it!
COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!
STABILITY...
Stability is my new favorite word....mostly because this is what I desire the most in my life right now. I been trying to be a lot more positive about the struggles I have been going through. It's been an ongoing process, I mean I know it will happen for the rest of my life...but just more frustrating right now. I have gone through a lot in the past couple of months...per all my dramatic blogs...hahaha! But I am finally making the treck back up the mountain....I slipped a ways down and kinda chilled for a while, but slowly I decided I need to get UP and keep it moving again.... here are some of the challenges I have gone through and how I am trying to find the POSITIVE in the NEGATIVE...
I lost some really GOOD friends this year (no they didn't die) just lost the closeness and bond we once shared. I am a real push over when it comes to being MAD at people, I am not very good at it! I can't ever hold a grudge, and even though I may seem mad, I get over it really quickly and than just want to make everything right again. I usually apologize before the other person does, just because I hate being on bad terms with anyone...and even though it may not be fully and wholly my fault. I am also one who will go OUT of my way to make things right with people, especially the ones I love the most. In the beginning I was really depressed and sad about these lost friendships and would often lay in bed wishing I would of done things different and most of the time blame myself. I take a lot of pressure on, and really let it affect me and my emotions. Anyways....I can't change the way things have happened, I am learning to accept them and make the best of it. If I give all that I got to make it right and that person doesn't want to forgive me or let things go back to the way they use to be...well there is not much more I can do. I never give up, but sometimes space and time can heal all wounds.
I have been traveling a lot...both personal and for work...its been like this since my 10th grade year in High School. I mean don't get me wrong I LOVE to travel and see new places...but its been a little tiring lately! People always ask me why don't you have a boyfriend (besides everyone thinking I am a player/homewrecker/whore...you know the usual..LOL)...and my answer is...guys don't wanna date a girl they never see, who never knows where she is gonna be till the week of and can't say put! I am at that point in my life where although I love to TRAVEL...I want STABILITY! I want to finish school (I am a Senior and gonna be a Super Senior if I keep doing this)...I want this new business to take off...I want to have my own apartment again, belong to one ward, spend more time with my friends....build new relationships...and most of all DATE again! LOL! Is this too much to ask for...hahaha! I know people are gonna be like you little ungrateful brat...some people are dying to travel and get out and your over here complaining....NO like I said before, I love to travel and I am so grateful, I am just looking forward to the future STABILITY I am going to have in my life.
This blog is getting a little too long, but thats just a few of my struggles I am trying to find the POSITIVE in! Its a challenge...but I LOVE CHALLENGES...bring it on. I miss my lost friends and I really hope all is well with them, they know how much I care and appreciate them, but sometimes things like this happen to make you realize what and who is important!......
COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT...
I lost some really GOOD friends this year (no they didn't die) just lost the closeness and bond we once shared. I am a real push over when it comes to being MAD at people, I am not very good at it! I can't ever hold a grudge, and even though I may seem mad, I get over it really quickly and than just want to make everything right again. I usually apologize before the other person does, just because I hate being on bad terms with anyone...and even though it may not be fully and wholly my fault. I am also one who will go OUT of my way to make things right with people, especially the ones I love the most. In the beginning I was really depressed and sad about these lost friendships and would often lay in bed wishing I would of done things different and most of the time blame myself. I take a lot of pressure on, and really let it affect me and my emotions. Anyways....I can't change the way things have happened, I am learning to accept them and make the best of it. If I give all that I got to make it right and that person doesn't want to forgive me or let things go back to the way they use to be...well there is not much more I can do. I never give up, but sometimes space and time can heal all wounds.
I have been traveling a lot...both personal and for work...its been like this since my 10th grade year in High School. I mean don't get me wrong I LOVE to travel and see new places...but its been a little tiring lately! People always ask me why don't you have a boyfriend (besides everyone thinking I am a player/homewrecker/whore...you know the usual..LOL)...and my answer is...guys don't wanna date a girl they never see, who never knows where she is gonna be till the week of and can't say put! I am at that point in my life where although I love to TRAVEL...I want STABILITY! I want to finish school (I am a Senior and gonna be a Super Senior if I keep doing this)...I want this new business to take off...I want to have my own apartment again, belong to one ward, spend more time with my friends....build new relationships...and most of all DATE again! LOL! Is this too much to ask for...hahaha! I know people are gonna be like you little ungrateful brat...some people are dying to travel and get out and your over here complaining....NO like I said before, I love to travel and I am so grateful, I am just looking forward to the future STABILITY I am going to have in my life.
This blog is getting a little too long, but thats just a few of my struggles I am trying to find the POSITIVE in! Its a challenge...but I LOVE CHALLENGES...bring it on. I miss my lost friends and I really hope all is well with them, they know how much I care and appreciate them, but sometimes things like this happen to make you realize what and who is important!......
COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT...
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