BLOGGER or BOOGER

Its officially BLOGTIME…whoohoo! I have been totally slacking at keeping my blogs updated. So much has happened lately and I have failed to get it into writing format!

I am going to split it up according to dates and events and even random thoughts I have been having. I am so excited for the future and even more so of whom I am striving to become.  As you can tell from my previous blogs a lot of negative things have happened and I definitely didn’t fail to keep my thoughts jotted down when it came to all of that. I find it a little sad now that I reflect over my blog’s, everything seems so sad, dark and dreary. I am totally not this type of person. I always try to be HAPPY and make those around me HAPPY! Although, I have been approached by many about how many of my issues are similar to theirs and its relieving for them to read my blogs and feel like…AHHH I am not the only one going through this…this is why blogging is so POWERFUL…it truly arouses interest, emotion and even motivation.

So, if you decide to read my blogs I hope you find just that! I want to highlight the positive things in my life because I truly live a blessed life and instead of worrying about the things I don’t have, or the negative that’s that constantly bombard my life, I am going to find BALANCE. 

Come what may and LOVE it!

Do you hear what I hear....

If I hear....I heard this about you is it true?....one more time I am gonnna SCREEEEAAAAAMMM for ICE CREAAAAAAM.lol. JK. I swear I can never meet a new person or make friends with people without someone asking me this question. It often entertains me that people care so much to talk about me(not being cocky about it at all) and I feel like a lot of my blogs have been about this matter. I tell myself don't waste your time dwelling about it, but I figured thats why I have a blog to let it all OUT and like I said before if you are gonna say "Don't EXPLAIN your life"....well go read someone elses blog...hahaha NBFR!

It's gotten to a point where I walk into a room just assuming that everyone or someone in that room has something bad to say about me. It has mos def caused some insecurities in my life, but I try not to let it effect me too much! It's more annoying than anything...I just wanna wear a shirt that has all of my mistakes printed on it. I want everyone to know what I have done because of course I am not proud of them...but nor am I trying to hide it. Maybe if I did that...no one would ever ask me if something they heard was true...maybe I should really do it and get one printed in every color... could possibly start a new fashion statement.

What sucks the most about all of this is that I go through this phase with every new friend or guy I  talk to. Everything is all good...fun...happy and than when people start to notice I am getting close to someone or hanging out with someone, they feel the need to tell them all the rumors they hear about me and give a history lesson on who I am and what I do....lol! I than go through the phase of hearing "so is this true...or did you really do this" and even sometimes the person stops talking to me or gives me the cold shoulder. It sucks....a lot! But I have become so immune to it that I pretty much just expect it. I am a PRO when it comes that phase of the relationship.


Anyways, its been happening a lot lately and I am getting kind of sick of it. Maybe its TURTLE in the SHELL time again..lol....ok drama much...hahaha! Its something I am learning to live with and accept. It also helps me realize who my real friends are, because even though people have lots to say about me, my real friends are always there and truly stand by me through thick and thin.

 Ok....I think I made my point about all this...hopefully I don't feel the urge to write anymore about it ...cause OHKA people might think I am depressed or something. I am not I just like to write what comes to mind....I am HAPPY and I do love LIFE...just taking everyday as a learning experience and hopefully become a better person in the end...

COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!

SOLI ATU...

The power of saying "I am sorry" Does it really work or make things all better? I use to think so...but for some people the word "sorry" is merely a word or an expression. I am guessing because its used so much as a savior...in a sense that you think saying sorry is going to save you from your mistakes.

Well, I am learning that sorry means nothing when its just said and never backed up by action. Like you can say sorry for doing something wrong but there is no real connection between your sorry and your intentions. You say sorry thinking that will make things better, but not really feeling sorry for what you have done. This is when "sorry" becomes just a word and never really means anything. Your intentions have to be in the right place before you say sorry, not saying it because you want to save yourself...saying it because you genuinely feel sorry for what you have done.

I feel sorry for a lot of the mistakes I have made, especially with some recent events in my life. My problem was that I never made the change in my heart and mind before I said sorry. My sorryz became worthless and even pointless. It was pretty much pointless to say sorry for what I was doing when my intentions were not in the right place. I regret ever letting it get that far...because in the end I hurt someone I truly care so much about. Its been a life learning lesson that I wish I could take back, but I am trying to look at the positive side of my challenges.

I now know I cannot say "sorry"for the mistakes I make until I have a change of heart and I am truly sorry. I use to think admitting to my mistakes was the only thing I needed to make things better, but it has to be a heart felt "I AM SORRY" with action to back it up. Its a struggle to not use "sorry" as a saving factor if I have nothing to back it up. Its a new goal I have added to my "taking little steps to get to my destination of HAPPINESS," to only say sorry if there is a connection between my mind and heart first!

COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!