BLOGGER or BOOGER

Its officially BLOGTIME…whoohoo! I have been totally slacking at keeping my blogs updated. So much has happened lately and I have failed to get it into writing format!

I am going to split it up according to dates and events and even random thoughts I have been having. I am so excited for the future and even more so of whom I am striving to become.  As you can tell from my previous blogs a lot of negative things have happened and I definitely didn’t fail to keep my thoughts jotted down when it came to all of that. I find it a little sad now that I reflect over my blog’s, everything seems so sad, dark and dreary. I am totally not this type of person. I always try to be HAPPY and make those around me HAPPY! Although, I have been approached by many about how many of my issues are similar to theirs and its relieving for them to read my blogs and feel like…AHHH I am not the only one going through this…this is why blogging is so POWERFUL…it truly arouses interest, emotion and even motivation.

So, if you decide to read my blogs I hope you find just that! I want to highlight the positive things in my life because I truly live a blessed life and instead of worrying about the things I don’t have, or the negative that’s that constantly bombard my life, I am going to find BALANCE. 

Come what may and LOVE it!

Do you hear what I hear....

If I hear....I heard this about you is it true?....one more time I am gonnna SCREEEEAAAAAMMM for ICE CREAAAAAAM.lol. JK. I swear I can never meet a new person or make friends with people without someone asking me this question. It often entertains me that people care so much to talk about me(not being cocky about it at all) and I feel like a lot of my blogs have been about this matter. I tell myself don't waste your time dwelling about it, but I figured thats why I have a blog to let it all OUT and like I said before if you are gonna say "Don't EXPLAIN your life"....well go read someone elses blog...hahaha NBFR!

It's gotten to a point where I walk into a room just assuming that everyone or someone in that room has something bad to say about me. It has mos def caused some insecurities in my life, but I try not to let it effect me too much! It's more annoying than anything...I just wanna wear a shirt that has all of my mistakes printed on it. I want everyone to know what I have done because of course I am not proud of them...but nor am I trying to hide it. Maybe if I did that...no one would ever ask me if something they heard was true...maybe I should really do it and get one printed in every color... could possibly start a new fashion statement.

What sucks the most about all of this is that I go through this phase with every new friend or guy I  talk to. Everything is all good...fun...happy and than when people start to notice I am getting close to someone or hanging out with someone, they feel the need to tell them all the rumors they hear about me and give a history lesson on who I am and what I do....lol! I than go through the phase of hearing "so is this true...or did you really do this" and even sometimes the person stops talking to me or gives me the cold shoulder. It sucks....a lot! But I have become so immune to it that I pretty much just expect it. I am a PRO when it comes that phase of the relationship.


Anyways, its been happening a lot lately and I am getting kind of sick of it. Maybe its TURTLE in the SHELL time again..lol....ok drama much...hahaha! Its something I am learning to live with and accept. It also helps me realize who my real friends are, because even though people have lots to say about me, my real friends are always there and truly stand by me through thick and thin.

 Ok....I think I made my point about all this...hopefully I don't feel the urge to write anymore about it ...cause OHKA people might think I am depressed or something. I am not I just like to write what comes to mind....I am HAPPY and I do love LIFE...just taking everyday as a learning experience and hopefully become a better person in the end...

COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!

SOLI ATU...

The power of saying "I am sorry" Does it really work or make things all better? I use to think so...but for some people the word "sorry" is merely a word or an expression. I am guessing because its used so much as a savior...in a sense that you think saying sorry is going to save you from your mistakes.

Well, I am learning that sorry means nothing when its just said and never backed up by action. Like you can say sorry for doing something wrong but there is no real connection between your sorry and your intentions. You say sorry thinking that will make things better, but not really feeling sorry for what you have done. This is when "sorry" becomes just a word and never really means anything. Your intentions have to be in the right place before you say sorry, not saying it because you want to save yourself...saying it because you genuinely feel sorry for what you have done.

I feel sorry for a lot of the mistakes I have made, especially with some recent events in my life. My problem was that I never made the change in my heart and mind before I said sorry. My sorryz became worthless and even pointless. It was pretty much pointless to say sorry for what I was doing when my intentions were not in the right place. I regret ever letting it get that far...because in the end I hurt someone I truly care so much about. Its been a life learning lesson that I wish I could take back, but I am trying to look at the positive side of my challenges.

I now know I cannot say "sorry"for the mistakes I make until I have a change of heart and I am truly sorry. I use to think admitting to my mistakes was the only thing I needed to make things better, but it has to be a heart felt "I AM SORRY" with action to back it up. Its a struggle to not use "sorry" as a saving factor if I have nothing to back it up. Its a new goal I have added to my "taking little steps to get to my destination of HAPPINESS," to only say sorry if there is a connection between my mind and heart first!

COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!

ZUSHI!

I AM SO FAT RIGHT NOW...and HAVE BEEN ALL WEEK. I ATE SUSHI 8 TIMES THIS WEEK....MY BODY IS GONNA GET IT....its so hard to resist it! I feel like a fat rice ball its so gross....I mean its ok if I eat like this and I am working out, but its another thing when I eat like this and than go to sleep right after....no bueno whats so ever!!

I am really going to try and cut down, but oh my gosh it is so hard. I seriously get the worse cravings for it! I am gonna stop when I can't fit any of my clothes....UGH....lol! I am so FAT! For real I can't believe how much I have let myself go...I blame my last JOB hahaha JK...its my fault. I JUST LOVE SUSHI sooooo MUCH! :)

DAYS OF MY LIFE...LOL!

So this blog might be a little personal...so if your gonna say "DONT EXPLAIN UR LIFE" well....don't read this one than! :)

I was with a really good friend last night and she was telling me about somethings people had been saying about me...not really recently but has been rumors in the air for a while...like I said in an earlier blog I already know people have lots to say about me and I really don't care unless it effects the people I love and care about. Well, this has to be the best rumor I have heard in a long time...and trust me I have heard it all from me being pregnant..to having an abortion...to being a whore...a player and most of all a HOMEWRECKER. Anyways, I actually heard this rumor before from a friend who had heard it from a girl who well doesn't really like me too much (all the he said she said JUNK)....the rumor consisted of MANY untrue things and amazes me that a guy would go to the extent of including me in such a false fabrication...to maybe make himself look a little cooler...its pretty disgusting to me...and makes me really believe that GUYS talk like GIRLS!

The rumor was that I was in a wedding line....ran away with the GROOM, did stuff, and than got kicked out of the line....hmmmm sounds like a movie huh? Sometimes I feel like my life should be a SoapOpera...its just filled with so many stories. Most of the time it makes me laugh to hear these "MADE UP" stories...again I am far from perfect and YES a lot has happened in my life....but BY NO MEANS would I ever do such a thing.

I won't rant an rave about this cause its already wasted a moment of my time...just FREAKING CRACKS me up that people go to such extents to make a person look bad....I am a GIRL...I am SINGLE and I like to LIVE LIFE! If thats a CRIME...well...thats something only the man up above can determine:) I love my life and I love those who choose to be apart of the craziness...I appreciate my true friends who always have my back no matter what rumors they hear or how much people persecute them for being friends with ME! In my mind....HANG OUT WITH ME live a day in my life....and than if you have something to say...well by all means go ahead.

LOL I am not mad (I PROMISE:)) or is the post DRAMA....just some recent thoughts...so if you read it and understand...PROPS to YA! LOL>

COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT!

HUMBLED...

It has been a humbling couple of weeks. Lets just say I feel like I am slowly starting to get things back into place. I kind of fell apart for a while and BLAME no one but myself. I let LIFE get the best of me and kick me in the rear end a couple of times. The FUN has kind of ended and reality is knocking on my door. I have had a very HARD/SAD/HAPPY/EVENTFUL/PAINFUL/STRESSFUL/AMAZING year so far as you can tell from my randomness on my blogs. I go from SUPER DUPER happy to all of a sudden in this weird dramatic mood. Anyways, I haven't blogged for a while and felt like today was a good day to catch up.

I had my last night at Delta for the season, I will return in October, and it was bittersweet. I complained a lot about the job, but looking back at it, it really was a chill job. I guess I just always felt like I was wasting the day, but really a productive day to me lately is laying around watching TV and eating. I have seriously become so lazy because of my job on the ramp. Again, I blame no one but MYSELF for this one.

But as one door closes another one opens. I was offered a really amazing internship/job and it has been keeping me really busy. Its actually motivating me to get up and move because I have deadlines I have to meet. Its all exciting work and can't wait for it to take off. I will share more later, but pretty much its doing stuff I love to do, in a place I love and for people I have come to appreciate and LOVE!

Love....oh dear how the word has cause GREAT happiness and pain. Its been difficult, sadly I wasn't as smart as I should and could of been...regret a lot of my actions, but I know that I can only try to learn from my mistakes. I really became someone I didn't want to become. I hurt people I truly love and care about because I chose to be selfish. I chose to think about myself and the things I wanted. I failed to appreciate the people who really cared and were just looking out for me. If I could rewind, I would make it all better again, but what is done is done and I can only try to make the future better.

Life is coming at me fast and I know I need to take the reigns again, take control of my life...who I am...what I do and most importantly who I help! Its not about me...its about getting lost in helping others. I have always been a "people pleaser"and try to make everyone happy, but that kind of lifestyle doesn't last very long and ends up hurting someone down the line. I want to be better and forget about my wants and focus on the needs of others, work on not trying to please people for my own exposure, but to genuinely help them.

COME WHAT MAY and LOVE IT!

Hotel Holiday Inn....

My most favorite thing to do while staying at a hotel is SLEEEEEEP. I would seriously rent a room just to lay in bed and watch TV. I don't have to worry about making my bed, cleaning,washing my towels or paying the AC bill...hahaha. I love staying in hotels.

Luckily my favorite cousin/sister Liberty Afeaki got a job working at Springhill Marriott, so that means DISCOUNT rooms..can I get an amen!! Well, we decided to get a room last Saturday night so we could be close to the festivities of the birthday and wouldn't have to worry about driving back and forth. Our planned one night stay..ended up a week long in the hotel. We woke up every morning looking at each other saying....hmmm lets stay one more night....mostly because we were so lazy from staying up the night before! It was too much fun..both Lei and I got to spend some QT with our big sis Finau Afeaki and our other family and friends.

It was a week long of eating out...spending time together...sleeping all day and not even cleaning up after ourselves. It was actually kind of gross...hahaha! But we had fun!

Until the next hotel stay...(when I get money cause I am broke from this last extravaganza...no bueno)